Getting older doesn’t bother me a bit, well the aches and pains that come with aging are no fun, but mentally, I like it.
With age has come wisdom. A constant finding of myself. We never stop discovering us. It’s impossible.
I am not a team player. When it comes to work, hobbies, projects, etc… I like to go it alone. In school I hated group projects. I always got stuck with the group that didn’t want to do much. I always had the burden on my shoulders. Admittedly I didn’t think it was fair they benefited from my hard work. It should have been equal effort. That is reason # 1 why I am a loner. Reason # 2 is I have a hard time trusting.
From a young age I experienced huge let downs and heartache that shouldn’t have been. I mean children are going to have times when things are tough, but some of it can be prevented.
Recently I was watching Food Network Star and I was watching two contestants fight over a team project. One was like “I can’t leave my fate in her hands” and the other one was like “she ain’t gonna tell me what to do.” The funny thing is I can relate to both of them.
I do realize that life isn’t about us being the biggest best ME ME ME, but it is hard to break these deep-rooted traits. Ingrained since childhood. Then having situations in adulthood that further validate my reasoning why I am who I am.
What it really boils down to is trust and dependence. It is hard to trust once you have been hurt and it’s hard to depend on others when you’ve been let down. It is our human nature to build a wall. It is so easy to assume that every other person will hurt us and let us down. Especially if the pain is from a parent, sibling, or a spouse.
I love it when something happens that turns the light bulb on and helps me understand and even realize I am not alone in my quirky ways. It’s time like these that I vow to remember that not everyone is untrusting and that some people are dependable. I mean if someone like me met me and had to depend on me or trust me they would find a faithful friend, so I hold out hope that I’ll meet those same people like me too.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV
I have to remember that God created me to not go it alone. May we all find our tribe that gets us.