Doing Life

When trusting and depending on other people is not easy.

Getting older doesn’t bother me a bit, well the aches and pains that come with aging are no fun, but mentally, I like it.

With age has come wisdom. A constant finding of myself.  We never stop discovering us. It’s impossible.

I am not a team player.  When it comes to work, hobbies, projects, etc… I like to go it alone.  In school I hated group projects. I always got stuck with the group that didn’t want to do much.  I always had the burden on my shoulders. Admittedly I didn’t think it was fair they benefited from my hard work.  It should have been equal effort.  That is reason # 1 why I am a loner.  Reason # 2 is I have a hard time trusting.

From a young age I experienced huge let downs and heartache that shouldn’t have been. I mean children are going to have times when things are tough, but some of it can be prevented.

Recently I was watching Food Network Star and I was watching two contestants fight over a team project. One was like “I can’t leave my fate in her hands” and the other one was like “she ain’t gonna tell me what to do.” The funny thing is I can relate to both of them.

I do realize that life isn’t about us being the biggest best ME ME ME, but it is hard to break these deep-rooted traits.   Ingrained since childhood.  Then having situations in adulthood that further validate my reasoning why I am who I am.

What it really boils down to is trust and dependence.  It is hard to trust once you have been hurt and it’s hard to depend on others when you’ve been let down.  It is our human nature to build a wall.  It is so easy to assume that every other person will hurt us and let us down. Especially if the pain is from a parent, sibling, or a spouse.

I love it when something happens that turns the light bulb on and helps me understand and even realize I am not alone in my quirky ways.  It’s time like these that I vow to remember that not everyone is untrusting and that some people are dependable. I mean if someone like me met me and had to depend on me or trust me they would find a faithful friend, so I hold out hope that I’ll meet those same people like me too.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV


I have to remember that God created me to not go it alone.  May we all find our tribe that gets us.


Doing Life, Jesus, Matters of the Heart

Forgiveness. Giving it or withholding it. 6 ways to tell if you’ve forgiven

Sometimes I don’t know which is more difficult, having true joy no matter what comes along or deciding how to proceed with someone who has done you wrong.

They’ve betrayed you and hurt you, shed a whole new light on the real them til the point you wonder how you missed it and how you got involved with them in the first place.

Oh and the kicker… they have the nerve to carry on as IF you are in the wrong! How dare you be hurt or take offense!  They are the people that will talk about you to EVERYONE except YOU!

They are the people who don’t want to admit they are wrong or have been mean. The ones that when you see them again they want to pick up right about the place before they wronged you as if nothing ever happened.

Being a true disciple is easy when things are great, it’s those hard times, hurtful times, trying times and trying people that make it tough.  As children of God we are called to be loving,merciful, peacemakers and keepers.  But sometimes it is downright hard. I am fine with serving, church, scripture,  and prayer. Just struggle with PEOPLE sometimes.   Then I think of Jesus and how He showed so much love, grace, mercy and kindness while people spat on Him, beat Him and left Him for dead.

Forgiveness… sometimes even when I think I have forgiven, I have to ask, have I truly forgiven?

What does truly forgiving someone even look like?  Do you even go forward with this person and if so how? Especially if you’ve been down a road similar to this with them once already,  It’s like Ok, I forgave you once already, got passed that, I mean truly got over it and now here we are again.

Currently I am a situation such as this.  Here are some signs that hit me that maybe I’m not over it this time.  I never really paid much attention until now.  I want to truly forgive and I want to be in right standing with God. See if you have ever been able to relate to any of these things.

  1. You keep replaying the situation/fight over and over in your mind.
  2. If you hear of someone that talked to them you wonder what they are saying or have said about you.
  3. If you hear of any good news from them you feel like {wow, they really don’t deserve that.}
  4. You may find it difficult to pray for them.
  5. You may feel hypocritical asking God to forgive you if you have’t truly forgiven them.
  6. They keep showing up in your dreams.


Jesus answered “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:22 NIV